Tuesday, June 8, 2010

If I Only Had A Brain

Generally my least favorite thing at work is filing. Or so at least this is what I tell people. In truth, once I find the time to do it, I kind of like the little hideaway that is the clinics third floor chart room. No one there but me and 500 plastic three ring binders. Those charts don't talk back, they don't ask or demand anything from me. It's a little refuge from the general back-breaking, unpredictable pace of my work day. So while I do this busy work my mind is free to wander to all sorts of places.

Today in my alone time reverie I caught myself absentmindedly singing a snippet of a song that I was listening to in the car on the way to work. That song happened to be 'Traveling Riverside Blues' by Led Zeppelin.

For those of you not familiar with the lyrics, let me enlighten you to the sexual-innuendo laden refrain of that song.

"Squeeze my lemon, till the juice runs down my leg! Squeeze it so hard, I fall right out of bed!"

So there I was, bopping around the chart room, dancing my charts to the topmost shelf, singing a lyric about handjobs. That of course is when the new employee walked by the chart room door that I had foolishly forgotten to close. I froze. Chart in my left hand, stretching up to the ceiling shelf, foot kicked back in an approximation of the Elaine dance. If I had a picture, I would most certainly post it here because I am sure it would amuse to no end.

As my new co-worker started to scuttle away from the door in what I can only assume was fear, my brain went "This is what you look like when you are alone. Oh shit." Then, in rapid fire it began to cycle through song lyrics to search for a work-safe replacement for 'squeeze my lemon'.

Unfortunately my brain only has two go-to lyrics. And each of them terrorize me over and over and over with the same four to nine words. The first is bad. The theme song to 'Charles in Charge'. This accompanied by a lovely image of a pubescent Scott Baio running down a staircase in ginormous gleaming white hitops. It's like watching the credits to that show on a continuous agonizing loop....until I get song number two lodged in the ol' noggin.

"If I Only Had A Brain...doo doop doo doop doo doop!"

Ouch. Brain adding insult to injury by telling itself that it needs some revamping.

This must be so, because otherwise I wouldn't still have it in my head from my chart room mishap.

Or...wait...neither would you. You're welcome. Muhahahahaahaaaaa!

Awesome Side Note: I remembered that during my hiatus I was bestowed with a few amazingly generous awards by several readers! Next post = acceptance and humble thanks to the lovely bloggers!


  1. If she can't take a joke - it was probably better you scared the hell out of her with your wacky behaviour.

    Plus she's new. You could start a chinese whisper she's insane and then nobody will believe her if she squeals on you.

  2. I am totally with the first commenter. This is the perfect opportunity to spread the rumor that you are the crazy lady at work!!

  3. Hahahaha, oh I love it, Rainey... perfect song to endear yourself with your co-workers...hahahaha ... maybe next, you can sing "Pearl Necklace" by ZZ Top...hahahaa

  4. Well, just don't be too shocked if she avoids you for a while... Or forever. ;)

  5. Oh yes! Commenter number 1 got it right. I'm not a Zeppelin fan and now I'll go and YT it! LOL

  6. Ooooh shit lady!!!

    ONLY YOU!!!! Damn I wish you ahd a picture of that shit!

  7. Now, if I had walked by and seen that I would have thought, "Soul Mate!". She doesn't know how lucky she is Rainey. Keep dancing like no one's watching.

  8. Awesomeness!

    BTW, I've given you an award on my blog.

  9. thanks for posting a picture of my car.
    Mr Monkey

  10. Could have been worse, you could've been singing Black Dog

  11. ANY reference to old Led Zep is a good one.

  12. How come you haven't written in so, so long? I miss you.

  13. Hi Rainey, where are You?

  14. LOL. What I would give to have been a fly on the wall.

  15. Blast it! Now it's stuck in my head, on a never-ending loop. i could while away the hours, con-fer-ring with the flowers...
    It's a catchy tune.