I survey the room. Amoeba-shaped coffee stains permeate the rug...the stains even seem to be dying of boredom. Funny because there's no coffee here. There used to be coffee here! Why have I been to this court room so often? Twice for speeding tickets and once for an agonizing six hour day of jury duty in which my noble contribution to society as a civil servant was to read a copy of 2009 Spring Vogue cover to cover eight times. By the end of that day I fancied myself an expert on upcoming spring fashion. I blame that day for my continued love of coral and lavender nail polishes.....
Anyways, to stave off my boredom, I have decided to post my first live blog as well as my first time blogging from my phone, so please bear with me! Updates to follow.
2:54pm - A break in the boredom!
Dude next to me just told another lady that he took a Xanax before coming here. Woah guy.....if a 30 something man has to pop a pill before coming to traffic court, there are gonna be bigger problems in store for him in his future.
2:57pm - Now up comes the magistrate and I get to match faces to everyones charges...what I might argue is a very intrusive but interesting part of the court process. Like watching a live and shortened version of Peoples Court or Judge Judy, only the magistrate doesn't seem to be a sassy red headed lady. And, even more dissapointing, he doesn't have a gavel. Boo.
3:00pm - Thinking that it would be really funny if I started to carry a 'get out of jail free' card from Monopoly around with me. My sister somehow wrangled a legit 'get out of jail free' card from some official she knows....but it doesn't have the cool guy with the wings on it. I wonder what would happen if I handed one in the Monopoly-style to the magistrate....or to the next cop that pulls me over.
3:12pm - The magistrate calls me up and dismisses my case (talking on a cell phone, first offense) but only after the lawyer lady scolds me because my hands free headset looks too new. Yeah lady, I totally bought it yesterday for a ticket issued in August. I don't like change, wanna fight about it?
3:15pm - Find my way outside and retrieve my spray can of mace that I had buried in a pile of snow as I was banned from brining it into the courthouse.
Thanks for bearing with me all! Updated thoughts on courtrooming, breaking the law and live phone blogging to follow later tonight.
Showing posts with label where can I get a flux capacitor?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label where can I get a flux capacitor?. Show all posts
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Why Can't My Car Have A Flux Capacitor Instead?
So I have to apologize for yesterdays post.
It was most definitely the product of too little sleep, and too much driving.
I have gotten far more sleep since the horrific mouse post debacle, but have done WAY more driving than I would care to admit. More driving on the docket for today as I slowly continue to cart massive amounts of STUFF from Old Apartment* to New House.
Last night as I drove back from New House at 3:30am, I was looking at the speedometer on the car:
EXHIBIT A:
(Yes, I'm a total daredevil, picturephoning while driving at speeds of 67mph!)
Notice how fast I'm going? Now, notice what top speed the little gauge allows for. That's right. 150mph. That is hella fast.
Where does Honda think I'm going? The Autobahn?! Could this car even really get UP to speeds of 150mph? And then I remembered, that in the past I have tempted fate and tested the tantalizing limits of the speed-dial. "To dreeeeam the impossible dreeeeeam!!!"
But, I must tell you. I did it in this:
Oh yes my friends. That is a bright-yellow New Beetle. The car my little sixteen year old self learned to drive in.
I would take the car to and from work, 25 minutes away. As I worked as a waitress, I often left work at late night hours and would have the road to myself when I left. That's when I decided I was a Nascar racer.
I would slowly increase the pressure on the gas pedal, the car beginning to wobble at around 88mph. Doc Brown was wrong, there was no flash. I didn't make it back in time. However, the Beetle wasn't equipped with a flux capacitor so I guess that was too much to wish for.
A crazy singing noise coming from a combination of the whipping winds and the engine at 104mph. "WooooooHeeeeeeeAhhhhOOohhhhhIIIIIAmmmmmFlyyyyiinngggIIIICaaannnn'tStooooppppppppppp!!!"
Violent shaking and a knocking noise from the engine at 117mph. Even at the immortal age of sixteen, I knew that was enough. Well, besides that, the car wouldn't go any faster. I would slow the car down, probably a little too quickly weaving dangerously in and out of lanes. It's quite amazing that I never got snagged by a cop. Maybe at speeds of 117mph a car becomes invisible? That must be it.
Quite frequently I would make the 25 minute trip home from work in 12 minutes. But even though I flew close to the sun, I never made it to the end of the speedometer. I don't think I ever will. Especially not with a car full of my prized possessions, such as my juicer and lei collection.
* As I typed that, I got a flash of the Barenaked Ladie song 'Old Apartment'. Note to self: Must remember to listen to that song in self-indulgent nostalgia trip prior to completely moving....
It was most definitely the product of too little sleep, and too much driving.
I have gotten far more sleep since the horrific mouse post debacle, but have done WAY more driving than I would care to admit. More driving on the docket for today as I slowly continue to cart massive amounts of STUFF from Old Apartment* to New House.
Last night as I drove back from New House at 3:30am, I was looking at the speedometer on the car:
EXHIBIT A:
(Yes, I'm a total daredevil, picturephoning while driving at speeds of 67mph!)
Notice how fast I'm going? Now, notice what top speed the little gauge allows for. That's right. 150mph. That is hella fast.
Where does Honda think I'm going? The Autobahn?! Could this car even really get UP to speeds of 150mph? And then I remembered, that in the past I have tempted fate and tested the tantalizing limits of the speed-dial. "To dreeeeam the impossible dreeeeeam!!!"
But, I must tell you. I did it in this:
Oh yes my friends. That is a bright-yellow New Beetle. The car my little sixteen year old self learned to drive in.
I would take the car to and from work, 25 minutes away. As I worked as a waitress, I often left work at late night hours and would have the road to myself when I left. That's when I decided I was a Nascar racer.
I would slowly increase the pressure on the gas pedal, the car beginning to wobble at around 88mph. Doc Brown was wrong, there was no flash. I didn't make it back in time. However, the Beetle wasn't equipped with a flux capacitor so I guess that was too much to wish for.
A crazy singing noise coming from a combination of the whipping winds and the engine at 104mph. "WooooooHeeeeeeeAhhhhOOohhhhhIIIIIAmmmmmFlyyyyiinngggIIIICaaannnn'tStooooppppppppppp!!!"
Violent shaking and a knocking noise from the engine at 117mph. Even at the immortal age of sixteen, I knew that was enough. Well, besides that, the car wouldn't go any faster. I would slow the car down, probably a little too quickly weaving dangerously in and out of lanes. It's quite amazing that I never got snagged by a cop. Maybe at speeds of 117mph a car becomes invisible? That must be it.
Quite frequently I would make the 25 minute trip home from work in 12 minutes. But even though I flew close to the sun, I never made it to the end of the speedometer. I don't think I ever will. Especially not with a car full of my prized possessions, such as my juicer and lei collection.
* As I typed that, I got a flash of the Barenaked Ladie song 'Old Apartment'. Note to self: Must remember to listen to that song in self-indulgent nostalgia trip prior to completely moving....
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