Showing posts with label complete lack of vanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label complete lack of vanity. Show all posts

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Walking Dead - Claimed Recap

I haven’t written about the ‘back eight’ of the season yet, but that’s not because I haven’t been captivated by what’s happening.  Quite the opposite.  

Over the past three episodes, the writers have cleverly set up a ‘Walking Game of Thrones’ situation, where our heroes have been torn asunder over a vast and unknown territory where danger lurks at every corner.  The only thing us audience members have to root for in this new divided ‘Dead’ world is the reunification of our gang.  The show hasn’t denied us any reunions in the past – Lori and Rick, Merle and Daryl, Andrea and the Gang…but there are so many characters to rejoin that it seems possible that one of the pairs may lose their way.  That’s what has made the second half of this season so exciting to watch. 

That said – Glenn MUST find Maggie, because their story is the heart of this show.

The episode opens with Tara furiously scribbling direction notes on her hand in the back of a truck.  One note simply reads ‘BUS’.  The truck stops, and walkers claw at the back of the tank.  Tara jumps up with her gun, ready to fire, when the red head in the truck barks ‘DO NOT FIRE THAT WEAPON’ and hops out of the driver’s side.  He proceeds to take unabashed glee in demolishing the three walkers with a crowbar.  Tara stares at him and says, “never seen that before…you smiled.  You were smiling.”  He responds, “well I’m the luckiest guy in the world” and asks for Tara’s help moving the cars in the road.  Somehow I like this guy already.  He seems like a aggressive weirdo with good intentions.

Elsewhere, Michonne and Carl sit down for a family breakfast.  Here starts the Lifetime movie portion of the episode.  A broken woman who has lost the ability to feel pairs up with a man and his son who have lost hope.  After a few rough starts, they come together and learn to love again and magically become a family that lives happily ever after.  If it weren’t for the ceaseless threat of walker violence this sequence in the house would make great “television for women”.

Carl and Michonne engage in some banter about her attire and soymilk.  I am not sure if Michonne has ever smiled on the show, but here she grins ear to ear, and it’s a refreshing sight.  She appears to have fully adopted Carl as her own in her mind.   Mid anecdote, Carl remembers Judith and pops up from the table, mumbling something about finishing a book.

Michonne finds a disheveled Rick in the kitchen, aimlessly rummaging through drawers.  They totally have a ‘moment’ as Michonne asks Rick if the house is “home or a stop along the way”.  Rick isn’t sure, and Michonne states that she’s going to take Carl out for supplies.  She assumes the role of head of the family, making the decision to go out and get supplies, and convinces Rick to rest.  Michonne and Carl head out, and Rick gives Carl his gun.

Rick limps upstairs and re-bandages his wound.  He checks the time on Carol’s watch, and settles down to sleep in the master bedroom.  Love that he still has Carol’s watch, especially since we know she’s back in the picture.

On the road, Michonne and Carl leave a house with bags of supplies.  Michonne reveals her Crazy Cheeze find with another huge grin.  Carl brushes her off like the sullen teenager he is, and Michonne confronts him right back.  As they approach the next house, Michonne divulges her long kept secret to Carl.  She had a three-year old son.  Carl is too shocked to respond, silently staring as Michonne proceeds to make her way into the house.  She’s all business in the front room, acting like she didn’t just drop a shocker of a revelation on Carl.  She doesn’t get off so easily, as Carl starts rapid firing questions.  Michonne briefly gets a panicked look on her face, clearly she hadn’t prepared for the barrage of Carl questions.  So she lays down ground rules.  “One question at a time, one room at a time, and only after we’ve cleared it.”  Strange games in the post apocalyptic world. 

Back at the house, Rick is deep asleep, when he wakes to sounds of men fighting.  “Please, please don’t!” Then a scream.  Ricks eyes flash open.  Rut ro.

He reaches for his gun, but had given it to Carl.  Oh Rick, how could you let your guard down?  Footsteps come up, and Rick squiggles himself under the bed.  He sees a glimpse of a rifle.  He assumes a low cobra pose under the bed.  Who knew Rick was so into yoga?  Also, he is surrounded by a sea of perfect dust bunnies.  Note to WD design people – dust bunnies don’t look like that. 

This is the scene under my bed, and it’s not even a zombie apocalypse. TMI?  #mostlydogfur

A mysterious man flops onto the bed above Rick, trapping him.

Oblivious of their unexpected houseguests, Michonne and Rick continue to hunt for supplies.  Michonne stares at some brightly colored paintings on the wall.  The colors are reminiscent of the cat she took from the bar when she helped Carl get the picture of Lori. Carl starts in with the questions again, more cautiously this time, and Michonne provides answers.  Her son’s name was Andre Anthony, she didn’t have any other kids, and Andre was a handful just like Carl.  Carl asks how long it’s been, and Michonne says “It happened after everything happened”.  Rick doesn’t know, because she “never told anyone, not until now”.  Carl gulps, realizing the significance of the moment, and promises not to tell anyone.   

Carl wanders down the hall to investigate another room, and Michonne opens a wrapped picture to reveal a painting of a woman with garish red splashes over her face.  The picture is deeply unsettling, even more so given that the rest of the pictures are cheery and bright.  She takes a sideways glance down the hall then sidles into a bathroom that leads into a baby’s room, very apropos for the theme of her and Carl’s day.  I appreciated the detail of the spider webs swaying on the bookcase, giving a deserted and haunted feel to the house.  Michonne then wanders into the next room.  It’s clearly a little girl’s room, painted bubble gum pink.  As her eyes adjust to the room, Michonne takes in the full weight of what the room has actually become.  It’s a mausoleum.  Four small bodies lie on two twin beds, all shot in the head at point blank range.  As Michonne carefully walks around, she is respectful and doesn’t disturb a single item in the room.  She becomes teary, and brusquely wipes away her tears.   A figure in the corner startles her, and she turns to see a female’s body in a rocking chair, skull blown to bits.  Simultaneously horrifying and sweet, it’s probably one of the most touching ‘finds’ on the show to date. 

Michonne backs out of the room and hastily closes the door. Carl comes up and says “there’s a baby in there”, to which Michonne responds, “it’s a dog”.  Here I think, how did Michonne NOT smell the stench of five decomposing bodies in that room before she opened the door?  That smell would certainly have been enough to deter most people from entering that room, but I suppose it’s possible that olfactory performance in the living becomes compromised in a world filled with decomposing corpses on the move.

Carl opens up about Judith, and says that maybe she and Andre are together somewhere.  This makes Michonne smile, and jostles her new adopted sons shoulder lovingly and says “you dad will wonder where we are if we’re late”.  This would definitely qualify as a Lifetime Movie Moment in my book….if there weren’t a family who ‘opted out’ rotting away in the very next room.

Back at the house, Rick’s dealing with a fresh hell, trapped underneath the rickety bed slats.  Another man enters the room, telling the other that he’s going to have to “lay claim somewhere else”.  The two goons get into a physical fight, and Goon #1 sees Rick under the bed.  Rick tilts his head quizzically at the man as his assailant finishes off his sleeper hold, and he passes out.  Goon #2 cackles, “my bed now, jackoff” and flops onto the bed.

Glenn wakes up in the moving truck, and Tara cares for him, coaxing him to drink some water.  The writers were definitely thinking ahead when they set Tara’s sexuality up to make her the perfect travel companion for Glenn.

Tara tells Glenn that they’ve been driving for three hours, they passed the bus long ago and everyone was dead.  Glenn stops the truck, and the red head confronts him. Red heads name is Abraham, and he neatly introduces himself as well as the midriff baring Rosita Espinosa and the mullet rocking Dr. Eugene Porter.  He drops the bomb - “We’re on a mission to get Eugene to Washington DC.  Eugenes a scientist and he knows exactly what caused this mess.”  Jigga- whaaaa?? 

Side note – Unfortunately I had already spoiled this surprise for myself by reading a synopsis of the comics on Wikipedia. I felt the electricity of the moment here, but not the surprise.  PSA: Spoilers are bad, kids.

Both groups stand in silence, and Glenn asks a follow up question, to which Eugene responds, “It’s classified”.  Seriously dude?  The world is ending, the government appears to be in shambles, there’s zero infrastructure.  There will be no consequences if you tell people what’s going on.  I do not like Eugene.

Abraham asks for Glenn’s help, and Glenn says he can’t, and starts walking.  Tara follows him like the devoted puppy dog she is and says she knows how to get him back to the bus.  Abraham follows and tells Glenn that he wont find his wife, alive or dead. “Sorry to tell you, shes gone.  No need for you to die too.  Get back in the truck, do something with your life.”  This incenses Glenn.  He stops and clocks Abraham square in the jaw which incites some sort of anger in him, and he tackles Glenn.  Tara tries to stop him, but Abraham tosses her off handily.  Walkers start to emerge in the cornfields, moving toward the sound.  Ahhhh!  Children of the coooorrrnnnnn!  Eugene makes a lame attempt at getting Rosita and Abraham’s attention, and then clumsily starts firing a machine gun which he has zero business using. Carl is immediately unseated as the ultimate ammo-waster on the show; Eugene is the king of the idiots now.

Tara and Glenn walk up to the truck and casually grab weapons to help.  Once the walkers have been eliminated, Abraham turns around to see that the trucks gas line has been breached.  His reaction – “Son of a dick”.  I like you Abe.  I really, really like you.

Rick creeps out from underneath the bed now that Goon #2 is snoozing.  He stealthily gets to standing and sneaks into a side room just as Goon #3 wanders up the stairs.  Rick tries the windows in vain, but obviously cant smack at them to get them open.  He snatches a trophy as a makeshift weapon. 

As Rick scrambles to escape, the goons chat.  “There’s a woman shackin’ up in here”.  They found a shirt.  She washed it, and left it, indicating to them that she would be back.  One man calls ‘dibs’ when she gets back.  Ew.  Gross.  These are some bad, bad men. 

Rick sidles into the bathroom and finds a goon perched on the toilet..  Rick takes no time in strangling the man to death, and commandeers his weapon.  He manages to get the bathroom window open, and has the foresight to leave the door open for when the goon reanimates.  Rick does his best Spiderman as he crouches on the roof, then silently drops from the gutter and readies his position for a possible attack.  He gets around to the front of the house, as the ball-bouncing goon walks out front.  These goons have good timing.

Unidentified goon starts spitting off the side of the porch, whistling a chilling tune.  Rick sees Michonne and Carl coming down the road and steadies himself to attack the goon.  Rick has become a killing machine, willing to kill as a first resort instead of compromise.  This is not a world of compromise, especially with these men. However, Rick doesn’t have to put his newfound priorities to work.  With impeccable timing, his zombie plant comes to life and creates a distraction so he can scramble away toward Carl and Michonne.

Back on the road, Abe chastises Eugene for “killing the truck” he says that a camel packed with C4 couldn’t take the truck down.  Eugene gives a robotic weird response.  Rosita picks up the very conveniently dropped pic of Maggie, handing it to Glenn, asking, ‘is this yours?”  Glenn grabs the pic and returns the gun, and Tara follows suit.  Rosita makes the decision to follow them, and says “what the hell else are we gonna do?”  Abraham protests, but then Eugene says they’ll find another vehicle, and they’ll go with Glenn and Tara until they do.  Eugene snarkily adds, “Trust me, I’m smarter than you”.  They follow. 

A ways down the road, Tara starts questioning Abraham.  He says he wants to save the world, but Tara isn’t fooled.  She breaks it down for him, saying that she knows Rosita will follow Abraham anywhere, and Eugene needs his help, but why is Abraham going?  She says, “you don’t have to tell me why, just don’t lie to me.” 

Side note – Tara seems to be the new Dale/Hershel of the bunch.  As much as I miss those two characters, it’s refreshing to not have the moral voice of the show be the ‘wise old man’ cliché.  This makes me sad though, because if Dale and Hershel’s arcs on the show are any indication, Tara’s got about one more season to go before she meets her end.

On the move, the Grimes-Katana Gang wander down the train tracks, and see a sign of possible hope.  Redemption.  “What do you think?” Mich asks Rick.  ‘Lets go” he says.  The camera pulls back to reveal the sign - Sanctuary for all.  Community for all.  Those who arrive survive.  

YES. 

Amazing episode.  Questions – How long before everyone arrives at Terminus?  We know that Tyreese, Carol, Meeka, Lizzie and Judith are headed there, but will everyone arrive?  In the past, separated loved ones have always reunited on the show, so I have hope that the writers will not ‘leave us hanging’ with any one of these story lines.  Tyreese and Sasha, Beth and Maggie, Judith, Rick and Carl, and, most importantly Glenn and Maggie will reunite.  The question is – will it be before the end of the season?  Please?

Also, as evidenced by Rick putting on a jacket while escaping from the house, as well as the timetable of the episodes – Winter Is Coming. Another GoT reference for sure, but my guess is that the change in seasons will have dire ramifications for all our heroes in the episodes to come.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Doug Loves Movies - 5 Reasons Why

As I write this, I am sitting in the crowded waiting room of a Honda dealership, waiting for the front brakes to be replaced on my car. 

I am certain the people around me think I am insane.  It’s my own fault.  I can’t stop laughing because I’m listening to Doug Benson’s podcast ‘Doug Loves Movies’.  Attempts to muffle my laughter just end up with me snarfing into my winter jacket, and that’s just super unattractive.  So now I’m not only crazy, I’m also the gross girl with snarf all over her coat sleeve.  I really shouldn’t listen to these things in public places.

If you’re not familiar with DLM, the structure of an episode is pretty basic.  The first half is essentially a talk show about movies, during which Doug chats with his guests about the most recent films they’ve seen.  Following the chat portion of the show, the guests are challenged to play against one another in a variety of movie trivia games, setting the stakes by selecting an audience member to play for.

I have a 45-minute commute to and from work.  Listening to DLM consistently ensures that the time flies by, making it hands down my favorite podcast of 2013.   Here’s why it should be yours too.

One – As I mentioned above, DLM is frequently laugh-out-loud funny.  Doug usually invites 3 – 4 guests to each episode, and he’s a natural and gregarious host.  If it sounds as if you’re listening in on friends chatting at a dinner party, that’s probably because the guest list is often populated with Doug’s close pals.  It helps that Doug’s friends include famous funny people such as Adam Scott, Sarah Silverman, Amy Schumer, Scott Aukerman, and Jon Hamm.  (Side note – Even stripped of his handsome card due to the audio-only format of DLM, Jon Hamm is consistently one of the funniest, quickest and most engaging guests on the show.  Once, during an impromptu conversation about the Tom Hanks weepie, Hamm once made a joking, off the cuff reference to Philadelphia as ‘the place where AIDS was perfected’, making me think he has a back up career in stand up if this whole gorgeous actor gig doesn’t work out for him.)

Practically Perfect in Every Way.
He's like the male Mary Poppins.  Only hotter.  Much, much hotter.  And funnier too.
Two – The podcast engages your brain.  Yes, you read that right.  As a self-proclaimed movie enthusiast, I consistently delight in the part of the show where the games are played.  Sure, the games aren’t too taxing on the brain, but they are definitely good fun.  The simplest of the bunch is called ‘How Much Did This Shit Make’, in which Doug asks guests to estimate how much a given movie made in total domestic box office sales.  (Side note - My favorite part is that Price is Right regulations are adhered to, so guesses need to be made without going over the actual amount.)

The mother of all games on DLM is the ‘Leonard Maltin Game’, which is played using Maltin’s movie review app.  Maltin sometimes even gets in on the action by stopping by and guesting on the show in person.  Spoiler alert – he pretty much sucks at the game, but it’s fun to listen to him play.  I won’t go into full detail about the game here.  Like most party games, it’s difficult to explain, but easy to learn once you listen in on a few rounds.  Suffice to say, each category tickles your brain to come up with long forgotten facts.  Adding to the fun, if you come up with an answer and the guest just isn’t getting it, you can shout at your radio with undeserved righteous abandon.  “How can you be wrong Ken Jennings?!?!? The answer was SO obvious! OMG AM I SMARTER THAN YOU?!”  By the properties of logic, since I’ve bested Ken Jennings at random movie trivia from the privacy of my Honda Civic, I’d kill it on Jeopardy.  Right?  Don’t answer that.  I’m totally right.

Three – You can experience the podcast live and in person. Although the show is based out of the UCB Theater in LA, Doug frequently travels and stops in all sorts of cities around the country.  Thankfully he makes frequent trips to NYC, because I’ve seen DLM at the Grammercy Theater in NYC multiple times, and each time is more fun than the last.  The Grammercy has a bar at which adult beverages can be purchased, increasing the fun level all the way to ‘11’.  Remember when I said that the guests pick an audience member to play for?  DLM fans are a fun bunch, toting along homemade nametags of all shapes and sizes to the show. Perusing the nametags is often a super entertaining part of the show.  Super extra bonus – if one of your seat neighbors brought something edible that’s not chosen by a guest, guess who gets to help eat it?  That’s right, it’s all you, you lucky devil. 

(Side note - Doug announced last week that he’s bringing DLM’s annual ’12 Guests of Christmas’ episode to NYC in December of 2014.  Who’s coming with me?  I’ll even bring an edible nametag to up the ante.)

Four – Doug and his guests often provide helpful reviews of recent (and past) movie releases. Not too much to elaborate on here, I just appreciate a good and honest conversation about a film.  Even when I disagree with the opinions presented on the podcast, I enjoy having something to ponder while I cruise down the decidedly non-scenic strip of highway that is Route 95 in Southern CT.

(Disclaimer –If you’re looking for the ‘movie’ part of Doug Loves Movies, you generally won’t find it on episodes featuring Jeff Garlin, T.J. Miller or Pete Holmes.  In fact, you probably won’t find too much of ‘Doug’ or ‘Loves’ either. Although these eps are pretty hilarious, they can be frustrating without prior warning.) 

Five – DLM has the catchiest podcast theme song I’ve ever heard.  And I listen to a LOT of podcasts.  I catch myself singing the song at random intervals throughout my day, and once even started mindlessly humming it while trying to pick a ripe avocado in the produce section of my grocery store.

Laughing uncontrollably and singing in public.....it’s a wonder no one’s tried to commit me yet.  DLM clearly makes me a little crazy, but in the best way. 


Which brings me to Five and a Half – It’s FREE on iTunes.  So no excuses.  Let DLM bring a little cheer to your commute in 2014.


Sunday, April 4, 2010

Homeless Person Wins Blog Awards, News at Eleven

Oh how I've missed you blog-o-sphere!

My absence is explained thusly: To complete our move, my boyfriend and I meticulously packed up all of our worldly possessions last Saturday night. We then headed over to our new house, (owned by my boyfriends family...that is a way long story that would be better explained in its own post) 40 miles away in the ol' U-Haul. The U-Haul rattled up the driveway with us in eager anticipation to unpack and go about making the house our new home.

But wait. What were our eager eyes greeted with when we arrived?

The fucking asshole bitch who lived in the house HADN'T MOVED OUT yet!!! Her two deadbeat twenty-something sons were sitting contentedly on the floor playing video games while she was out at the bar drinking. We stood, freezing in the driveway as her son explained to us that they wouldn't be out until the 'end of the month'. Even though she hadn't paid rent for the past two months. Yeah, real nice. Welcome home.

Therefore, over the past week I have lived a transient, Internet-less existence, crashing from place to place as my boyfriend and I tried in vain to tie up loose ends at the old apartment and continue work on starting up his business.

Let's just say the rest of the week didn't go well...it was pretty awful actually.

Except for my ray of sunshine. My two blog awards!

First, the Beautiful Blogger Award! From my lovely Jordan FACE.

Second, the Oh, My Blog! Award! From the amazing TB at Year 31.

Now, not that I don't love love love the Beautiful Blogger award, but I am truly excited about the acceptance terms of TB's OMB! Award, and would like to award this coveted digital green square to as many bloggers as possible to spread the love.

Side note: If anyone is super interested in the 'seven things' that I was supposed to post as acceptance for the Beautiful Blogger award, I will say this. I could post a list of things like "I really love peanut M&M's!" (I do, by the way) But then people may not be interested in what I think is interesting about myself....also, I blog about randomness in my life all the time. The way for me to address this is if any of you lovely readers truly want to know something about little old me, post it in the comments or e-mail me and I will answer honestly and in detail in a subsequent post. I promise.

So, acceptance terms for OMB! are stated thusly:

1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER.

2. Choose ONE of the following options for accepting the OMB! award:

(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus.

(b) Write about your most embarrassing moment.

(c) Write a "Soundtrack of your childhood" blog. (click here for an example)

(d) Make your next blog a "vlog", or video blog. Basically, you talking to the camera about whatever.

(e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (makeup, brush hair, pee, etc.) and post it.

3. Pass the award on to at least three, but preferably more, awesome bloggers like yourself. Don't forget to tell them (duh).


Acceptance:

As I have been homeless over the past week, my only real option here was e. As I have already demonstrated a complete lack of vanity in previous posts, I saw it only befitting to post some gems of me here as a preliminary acceptance of the award. Stay tuned for possible drunk vlogging in the future.


Taken via iPhone circa third day of homelessness. I actually didn't think I looked bad enough in this picture, so I then decided to do this....


You're welcome.

Pass the torch:

Yaaaaay! I love love love this part! I am always one of those freaks at Christmas that loves to watch people open my carefully selected presents more than actually getting presents myself. So 'trumpet sound':

1) DJ Buttaskotch at A Cream Filled Blog! This blog is fantastically random and laugh out loud funny. And how could I not love someone who asks Yahoo Answers how long it takes to get from Philly to Narnia via train?

2) Mr. Apron at My Masonic Apron. This guy had me hooked from the first post I read. He has a witty, often dry and always distinctive voice that comes through crystal clear in print with little or no help from any visual aids. Not an easy feat.

3) Billy at "Why?", "How?", and other abstract questions. How could I not adore and want to follow to the ends of the earth someone who also goes by the moniker of Organic Meatbag. Yes, I am friends with a meatbag and loving it! I want to steal his joyous and captivating writing style and make it my own.

4) Wow, that was Awkward at It Was Dark, Stormy and I Lost My Serial Comma Hysterical and well written, this dude has it all.

5) David at I've Never Been Good With Titles! This guy blogs with style. He posts lots of awesome videos too, which is good for the ADD side of my noggin.

6) Amanda at Tales From The Chicken Coop: A day in the life of Mrs. Chicken This chicky is so funny and basically I just want to hang out with her and have random adventures on a regular basis. Too bad she lives 3000 miles away from me. Oh well.

7) Crazy Brunette at One Crazy Brunette Chick. This girl says and does everything that the little party-girl in my head screams at me all day long. She is unflinchingly honest, brassy and bold. Not wanting to dictate the terms of her acceptance of this award...but I would like to go on the record saying that I would absolutely adore to see a drunk blog come from this Brunette.

Ok, so I apologize for this ridiculously long blog. Now that I finally have a home and glorious internet, you can expect more coherent posts that are also more reader friendly in brevity.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I'm Cranky And Googly Today. Aka: I F#$%ING HATE Daylight Savings Time!!!

It's that time of year again. Something was stolen from me. I feel violated. I feel cheated, angry, tired and most of all cranky.

This is the day that the powers that be just snip an hour away from us at 2AM (when most people are presumably sleeping, but being nocturnal I am usually not) and the clock rolls from 1:59AM to 3:00AM.

Where the hell's my hour?! It's just gone. Vanished. It's not like those zillions of times where you say 'I want those one/two/three/etc hour(s) of my life back'! For example when you see a really bad movie, or that time when you were stuck on the subway for an hour next to a man that smelled like cheese and couldn't stop scratching himself. At least you would have a damned story to tell after that hour!

Last night I dolefully watched as the clock rolled forward and sealed my terrible fate for the next week.

Because my friends, I do not only get tired and cranky when Daylight Savings Time approaches. No, no. I get googly.

Let me explain. I have a condition called 'strabismus', which causes my eyes to focus differently instead of together. As a result, I cannot see 3-D (so sad), and have relatively poor depth perception when dealing with finite objects. Usually when I am not super stressed, suffering from exhaustion, inebriated or a combination of the three, my eyes can focus together thanks to a team of talented surgeons that have operated on me several times during my 26 years of life. But not on Daylight Savings. And today the googly eye was the cause of horror in not only my life, but the lives of others.

To stave off some of the DST crankiness, I went to go get my eyebrows done. At one point I thought the adorable Korean lady sculpting my brows had finished, and I looked up and around at the room. Adorable lady gasps: "Your EYES!!!".

This is likely what she saw:

I made this image smaller so as to not horrify you dear reader or any small children or pets you may have in the room. It's the GOOGLY EYE! Brought to you courtesy of sleep deprivation.

Thanks Daylight Savings. I hope the fucking farmers are happy. I am not.