Having 13 posts was annoying me.
Hello 14!
So, I am completely off the wagon. On the wagon? Off the wagon is 'bad', right? Okay, that term is just ridiculous and generally just makes me think of that ancient 'Oregon Trail' game aka: You have dystentery! Your wagon just broke an axle, bad thing, bad thing, etc etc. I guess we could say in that case its better to be off that damn wagon! I say let someone else lead the way when dystentery is involved!
Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, back to eating crap. As I sit here with a stomachache from OD of garlic knots (which should really be classified as an addictive substance. If we as a society are going to ban marijuana, I say please please PLEASE for the love of God ban the garlic knot instead! I am sure there have been just as many ill effects of the garlic knot, including mishaps from greasy hands and productivity lost from inevitable grease comas. Well, for me anyways. More on that on another post I suppose....)
Where was I again? Garlic knots. Couch. Bye bye good intentions. But, despite it all, hello size 14. Yep, I will disclose. I was rockin' the size 16 for awhile there. And truth be told the size 16 was getting a little tight. However, my size 14s now fit (Post 14, Size 14....what a coincideeeenceeee)! Yippee! Happy day! Certainly not a reason to give up this weight loss endeavor, but not a reason to let it continue to consume my writing which I am growing to love.
So, now for something (kind of) different. I have been thinking that I would like to share stories about my work as a counselor. Past and present. And oh boy I have some people I would like to bring to life in the printed word. I'm sure they can't wait to meet you. Well....of course not because I'm creating them. And believe me, those fuckers can't wait to get out of my brain and bask in their time to shine.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Deceptive Diet Brain
So, as I continue my weight loss struggle (Yeah I just ordered a pizza, but the crust is whole wheat....wanna fight about it? Well, don't you worry because AB and HB just did have a little tiff. Apparently whole wheat pizza is the compromise between a healthy salad made from leftovers in the fridge and sucking down a large vanilla Frosty from the Wendy's drive thru. Drive thru = special added lazy bonus.) I have started to think about how I spend all of my life managing the removal and addition of things to my body.
As I try to shed my extra poundage, my mind generally starts to drift to all the things I can remove from my body to add loss without actually doing anything substantial. Unless you count chopping off all of my hair 'substantial'...but that's another story.
* Hair. Oh dear God all sorts of hair. Women deal with hair removal, men less so, but they still do unless they want to look like a mountain man (I myself like that look, too bad my love does not agree....). Women, we pretty much remove or attempt to tame our regions of hair that consistently threaten to run wild. Now, I do have to say that while on a diet I am compulsively inclined to keep all these regions at bay, including my eye brows in a futile attempt to 'weigh less' when I step on the dreaded scale at the gym.
* Nails. Same deal here. Nails are so useful, but just get too long for weigh-in time. So they must be trimmed and generally kept free of polish to avoid adding those pesky nano-grams.
* Moisture. Yes, I will admit that sometimes I intentionally dehydrate myself prior to visiting my local gym scale in order to feel like I have accomplished something amazing by magically losing two pounds overnight. Maybe my sleep is getting more efficient. Yeeeeeah, that's not it.
And then all of the things I add.....clothing, makeup, nail polish, jewelry, shoes, oh the list goes on. All of which can serve to make me look like I am skinnier or heavier.
I know I am only fooling myself. AB and HB both know this. We are not crazy in this brain. Only constantly craving and looking for an easy fix.
Now if you'll excuse me, HB and AB need to duke it out to see exactly how much of this whole wheat pizza I will eat.
As I try to shed my extra poundage, my mind generally starts to drift to all the things I can remove from my body to add loss without actually doing anything substantial. Unless you count chopping off all of my hair 'substantial'...but that's another story.
* Hair. Oh dear God all sorts of hair. Women deal with hair removal, men less so, but they still do unless they want to look like a mountain man (I myself like that look, too bad my love does not agree....). Women, we pretty much remove or attempt to tame our regions of hair that consistently threaten to run wild. Now, I do have to say that while on a diet I am compulsively inclined to keep all these regions at bay, including my eye brows in a futile attempt to 'weigh less' when I step on the dreaded scale at the gym.
* Nails. Same deal here. Nails are so useful, but just get too long for weigh-in time. So they must be trimmed and generally kept free of polish to avoid adding those pesky nano-grams.
* Moisture. Yes, I will admit that sometimes I intentionally dehydrate myself prior to visiting my local gym scale in order to feel like I have accomplished something amazing by magically losing two pounds overnight. Maybe my sleep is getting more efficient. Yeeeeeah, that's not it.
And then all of the things I add.....clothing, makeup, nail polish, jewelry, shoes, oh the list goes on. All of which can serve to make me look like I am skinnier or heavier.
I know I am only fooling myself. AB and HB both know this. We are not crazy in this brain. Only constantly craving and looking for an easy fix.
Now if you'll excuse me, HB and AB need to duke it out to see exactly how much of this whole wheat pizza I will eat.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Crack is to Sugar as Blank is to Blank
Why, when one is on a diet does every little thing you can't have look so wonderful?
Case in point: Someone at work today brought in a large box of peppermint candies. Now, I like peppermint. I am even known to be somewhat of a peppermint fiend during the holidays, however, the beginning of March just does not seem to be the time for Starlite peppermint candies.
What did I do? Of course I ate one, and then two....and then seven. In passing I told one of my favorite clients about my lapse today, and she likened it to starting to use crack after getting on methadone (methadone can virtually eliminate cravings for heroin/other opiates). What?! Am I getting to the point where all sugar and white flour is the same to me? I mean, they are crack-like in the fact that they alter my mood and are generally followed by a cataclysmic crash. Am I just looking for a high? Is the next step eating year old candy I find in my cabinet when I move out of my apartment (I'll keep you posted on that one) or, even worse, the candy at the doctors office?
Those aren't really rhetorical questions. I think the answer is yes. Well, maybe not so much for the forgotten cabinet trash or the germ infested sweets. But, yes of course I am looking for a high. After not eating pure sugar for weeks, that one little peppermint disc sent me on a wonderful high, I was in a smiley mood, offering assistance to anyone who passed by my office. Making calls I hadn't made in weeks, and singing along to David Bowie on my iPod. Until the crash. Of course that's when I ate another peppermint.
And the cycle continues.....
Case in point: Someone at work today brought in a large box of peppermint candies. Now, I like peppermint. I am even known to be somewhat of a peppermint fiend during the holidays, however, the beginning of March just does not seem to be the time for Starlite peppermint candies.
What did I do? Of course I ate one, and then two....and then seven. In passing I told one of my favorite clients about my lapse today, and she likened it to starting to use crack after getting on methadone (methadone can virtually eliminate cravings for heroin/other opiates). What?! Am I getting to the point where all sugar and white flour is the same to me? I mean, they are crack-like in the fact that they alter my mood and are generally followed by a cataclysmic crash. Am I just looking for a high? Is the next step eating year old candy I find in my cabinet when I move out of my apartment (I'll keep you posted on that one) or, even worse, the candy at the doctors office?
Those aren't really rhetorical questions. I think the answer is yes. Well, maybe not so much for the forgotten cabinet trash or the germ infested sweets. But, yes of course I am looking for a high. After not eating pure sugar for weeks, that one little peppermint disc sent me on a wonderful high, I was in a smiley mood, offering assistance to anyone who passed by my office. Making calls I hadn't made in weeks, and singing along to David Bowie on my iPod. Until the crash. Of course that's when I ate another peppermint.
And the cycle continues.....
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Puppies, Pioneers and Petticoats
Whew. I've come to the conclusion that getting a puppy is the best diet enhancer ever.
Correction, can be the best diet enhancer ever.
Three weeks ago I became the proud momma of a little terrier mix. His name is Wally. Here he is in all his puppy splendor:
Correction, can be the best diet enhancer ever.
Three weeks ago I became the proud momma of a little terrier mix. His name is Wally. Here he is in all his puppy splendor:
But this is what he really looks like (sans flash). A big pile of adorable, but ceaseless energy.
Now, I live on the third floor of my apartment building, and while Wally has been relatively good about being obiedient going up and down the stairs, I still have to lug my butt up and down those stairs a good five to seven times a day to take him outside. Of course I also live at the top of a relatively steep hill, and no matter which way I walk him I have to inevitably trudge back up the hill on the way back home. It's like doing a real life stairmaster all day long.
It may sound like I don't like this daily workout, that I begrudgingly take the pupper out and back in while whining like a brat about the forced exercise and sub-zero temperatures. Not true! As ridiculous as this actually sounds, my body has been getting slowly and surely stronger. I no longer huff and puff walking up the stairs, and I can actually feel the muscles in my lower and upper body tightening.
This makes me think of the pioneers (Whoa incontinuity!!!). Yes, the pioneers. Sometimes, in my freezing delusional haze I think about how they were constantly moving, lifting, climbing, utilizing their bodies in ways that we don't even really consider because we have every lazy-making technology available to us.
It probably doesn't hurt that I live in a restored mansion likely from the Civil-war era and when I walk up to the house I think that I am a' returnin' home from taking the animals for their daily exercise. I consider how hard that daily farm life must've been in petticoats and have a new appreciation for my female ancestors. (Boots and petticoats, fashionable and utilitarian! Someone should really consider bringing that look back. Side note: I'd love to see a 'pioneer' fashion show by Versace. Mark my words, it's only a matter of time my friends...) The rooster crows, and it's time to milk the cows! Oh boy, excercise may be making me delusional.
But it's also making my butt look better.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Obligatory Chocolate Relapse
So, I relapsed.
(And I'm going to warn you this post is going to be quite boring, but I'm feeling introspective so feel free to skip and read my upcoming post that will inevitably be about my new puppy. Much more fun there.)
Ah, so familiar with the term 'relapse'. The harsh truth is that no matter what kind of relapse it is, it kind of stings. Difficult to gain back resolve and redouble efforts once that threshold back to the 'bad stuff' has been crossed.
The how and why aren't really that interesting, but the truth is that I was in a place where I was unprepared to physically (hungry and didn't prepare healthy snack options) and mentally (had been traveling all day) to cope with triggers (hot dogs, Doritos and boxes of chocolates) literally a foot away from my face. Yes, I had a moment to decide whether or not to act upon my impulses, and believe me, AB and HB had a little struggle. It went something like the following:
Angry Brain: "Oooooh look, delicious!"
Stomach (chiming in): Gurgle gurgle....HUNNNNNGGRRRYYYYY!
Happy Brain: "I am really hungry, and tired and I don't know when I am going to eat next. I tried to eat a good breakfast this morning, but that was hours ago. What do I do?"
AB: "Give in! Doritos go really well with hot dogs and of course you can eat that box of chocolates afterwards! Chocooooolaaate!!!"
Stomach: "Give me FOOOOOD NOOOOOW!!! gurgle."
HB/AB: "Okay. Just as long as we start eating well tomorrow."
Now, what went wrong? I didn't have a plan. I tried in the morning to eat well, but there wasn't really a concrete plan in action for the remainder of the day until I came back home. The body wants what it wants and if there's no plan to distract or satiate it in another way, the unhealthy options will always prevail. AB really did try to put up a fight, but it was quite the weak fight due to having no other quickly available options to reach for. And then, in the end HB and AB agreed, but I see that as slightly different reasons.
The 'eating well tomorrow' argument. Now, once I was done shoveling a hot dog and some chips into my face, this is exactly what I told my boyfriend Chris....as I started to open the chocolates. Chris, who listens to me all day about my trials and tribulations with my clients relapsing at work asked what I would say to a client on a drug binge that came to me and said they would stop 'tomorrow'. This made me pause for a second.
After much thought, I decided that I would ask, 'what can be learned from this happening?'. At the clinic I work at we state that relapse can and often is part of the cycle of recovery. Relapse can be taken as an opportunity to step back from the chain of events that led to the lapse to begin with and evaluate what can be done differently in the future to prevent those behaviors from recurring. In my case, I need to be prepared.
In all honesty, it took me until today to completely get back on track. It doesn't hurt that today is the beginning of Lent and I have given up chocolate until Easter. 47 days until I have to worry about the chocolate relapse creeping up on me again.....until then I think I need to pack some backup snacks.
(And I'm going to warn you this post is going to be quite boring, but I'm feeling introspective so feel free to skip and read my upcoming post that will inevitably be about my new puppy. Much more fun there.)
Ah, so familiar with the term 'relapse'. The harsh truth is that no matter what kind of relapse it is, it kind of stings. Difficult to gain back resolve and redouble efforts once that threshold back to the 'bad stuff' has been crossed.
The how and why aren't really that interesting, but the truth is that I was in a place where I was unprepared to physically (hungry and didn't prepare healthy snack options) and mentally (had been traveling all day) to cope with triggers (hot dogs, Doritos and boxes of chocolates) literally a foot away from my face. Yes, I had a moment to decide whether or not to act upon my impulses, and believe me, AB and HB had a little struggle. It went something like the following:
Angry Brain: "Oooooh look, delicious!"
Stomach (chiming in): Gurgle gurgle....HUNNNNNGGRRRYYYYY!
Happy Brain: "I am really hungry, and tired and I don't know when I am going to eat next. I tried to eat a good breakfast this morning, but that was hours ago. What do I do?"
AB: "Give in! Doritos go really well with hot dogs and of course you can eat that box of chocolates afterwards! Chocooooolaaate!!!"
Stomach: "Give me FOOOOOD NOOOOOW!!! gurgle."
HB/AB: "Okay. Just as long as we start eating well tomorrow."
Now, what went wrong? I didn't have a plan. I tried in the morning to eat well, but there wasn't really a concrete plan in action for the remainder of the day until I came back home. The body wants what it wants and if there's no plan to distract or satiate it in another way, the unhealthy options will always prevail. AB really did try to put up a fight, but it was quite the weak fight due to having no other quickly available options to reach for. And then, in the end HB and AB agreed, but I see that as slightly different reasons.
The 'eating well tomorrow' argument. Now, once I was done shoveling a hot dog and some chips into my face, this is exactly what I told my boyfriend Chris....as I started to open the chocolates. Chris, who listens to me all day about my trials and tribulations with my clients relapsing at work asked what I would say to a client on a drug binge that came to me and said they would stop 'tomorrow'. This made me pause for a second.
After much thought, I decided that I would ask, 'what can be learned from this happening?'. At the clinic I work at we state that relapse can and often is part of the cycle of recovery. Relapse can be taken as an opportunity to step back from the chain of events that led to the lapse to begin with and evaluate what can be done differently in the future to prevent those behaviors from recurring. In my case, I need to be prepared.
In all honesty, it took me until today to completely get back on track. It doesn't hurt that today is the beginning of Lent and I have given up chocolate until Easter. 47 days until I have to worry about the chocolate relapse creeping up on me again.....until then I think I need to pack some backup snacks.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Cabin Fever Pancakes
Snowy day. Ahhhh....what a perfect time for daytime TV and pancakes.
What's that you say? Pancakes aren't diet-friendly? Oh well there you'd be wrong.
Having been super obsessed over finding the perfect recipe for fluffy pancakes a'la South Norwalk Baking Company for months, I have found several recipes for white flour pancakes that I have grown to know and love. However, white flour is the 'evil devil' on South Beach, and therefore I am sadly forbidden from those fluffy pillows of goodness.
Yet, as the second phase of South Beach allows me to eat whole grains and wheat products I have pancake-base options. Yay!
So, here is the story in recipe form of how I came to test out pancakes in my tiny kitchen for two hours on this lovely frozen day.
Oatmeal Wheat Pancakes
(Credit where credit is due: Ingredient list partially ganked and modified from Recipe Zaar)
You will need....
Dry Ingredients
2 cups of oats (the Quaker man is preferable, not because of flavor just because he's so damn pleasant looking)
1 cup wheat flour
1/2 teaspoon of baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup dark chocolate chips (optional)
Wet Ingredients
2 cups of buttermilk or lo-fat milk
2 tablespoons of good honey (optional)
3 tablespoons canola oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 large eggs
Step One: Creating Masterpiece Batter
1) Place oats in a bowl with buttermilk to soak
2) Mix remaining dry ingredients
3) Separate eggs into yolks and whites. Place whites in a cold metal bowl. (This step of separating the whites and yolks is optional, but I find it yields fluffier pancakes)
4) Mix all wet ingredients EXCEPT WHITES
5) Combine wet and dry ingredients into a lumpy batter (lumps are your friend!)
6) Use electric beater to beat the whites into stiff peaks (I know, I know, 'That's what she said' Ha.)
7) Gently fold whites into the batter.
Step Two: Batter + Pan = Meant to be!
8) Spoon according to the size of your liking on a greased, pre-heated, non-stick pan. The pan should be hot but not too hot. It should be juuuuust right. Goldilocks test: take a little water and spritz on pan. If the water dances in beads, it is just right. If it just sits there its too cold, and if it evaporates immediately it is too hot.
9) Flip pancake. Now this seems like a no brainer, but usually with white flour pancakes one would wait for the cake to bubble consistently on the top and then immediately flip. With these pancakes, you have to wait for about thirty seconds after they start bubbling consistently to flip, or you run the risk of the cake tearing apart when you go to flip it.
10) Repeat as needed.
Step Three: EATEATEATTTTTTT
11) Enjoy! I used sugar-free syrup to stay with South Beach, but I was told (repeatedly) that the Aunt Jemima was far superior.
I love delicious Cabin Fever!
What's that you say? Pancakes aren't diet-friendly? Oh well there you'd be wrong.
Having been super obsessed over finding the perfect recipe for fluffy pancakes a'la South Norwalk Baking Company for months, I have found several recipes for white flour pancakes that I have grown to know and love. However, white flour is the 'evil devil' on South Beach, and therefore I am sadly forbidden from those fluffy pillows of goodness.
Yet, as the second phase of South Beach allows me to eat whole grains and wheat products I have pancake-base options. Yay!
So, here is the story in recipe form of how I came to test out pancakes in my tiny kitchen for two hours on this lovely frozen day.
Oatmeal Wheat Pancakes
(Credit where credit is due: Ingredient list partially ganked and modified from Recipe Zaar)
You will need....
Dry Ingredients
2 cups of oats (the Quaker man is preferable, not because of flavor just because he's so damn pleasant looking)
1 cup wheat flour
1/2 teaspoon of baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup dark chocolate chips (optional)
Wet Ingredients
2 cups of buttermilk or lo-fat milk
2 tablespoons of good honey (optional)
3 tablespoons canola oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 large eggs
Step One: Creating Masterpiece Batter
1) Place oats in a bowl with buttermilk to soak
2) Mix remaining dry ingredients
3) Separate eggs into yolks and whites. Place whites in a cold metal bowl. (This step of separating the whites and yolks is optional, but I find it yields fluffier pancakes)
4) Mix all wet ingredients EXCEPT WHITES
5) Combine wet and dry ingredients into a lumpy batter (lumps are your friend!)
6) Use electric beater to beat the whites into stiff peaks (I know, I know, 'That's what she said' Ha.)
7) Gently fold whites into the batter.
Step Two: Batter + Pan = Meant to be!
8) Spoon according to the size of your liking on a greased, pre-heated, non-stick pan. The pan should be hot but not too hot. It should be juuuuust right. Goldilocks test: take a little water and spritz on pan. If the water dances in beads, it is just right. If it just sits there its too cold, and if it evaporates immediately it is too hot.
9) Flip pancake. Now this seems like a no brainer, but usually with white flour pancakes one would wait for the cake to bubble consistently on the top and then immediately flip. With these pancakes, you have to wait for about thirty seconds after they start bubbling consistently to flip, or you run the risk of the cake tearing apart when you go to flip it.
10) Repeat as needed.
Step Three: EATEATEATTTTTTT
11) Enjoy! I used sugar-free syrup to stay with South Beach, but I was told (repeatedly) that the Aunt Jemima was far superior.
I love delicious Cabin Fever!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Jean-Litmus
I did laundry yesterday. This doesn't seem like such a big deal, right? I do laundry all the time (well, 'all the time' is kind of a relative term, but let's forget about that for the moment).
This morning, I tried on a pair of jeans that had been tight last time I wore them, showcasing my paunch and thighs in a sausage-like manner after washing them two weeks ago. Lovely visual, I know. That's why I chucked them in with the laundry and didn't wear those horrid jeans until today.
Today. Oh, today I decided to do a litmus test of how South Beach has been working for me.
Or, as I would like to call it the 'jeans test'.
For a moment, let's talk about every girl (and likely guys too) and their relationship with jeans. We all know about the 'skinny jean'. I'm not talking about the horrendous trend that's going on right now where even size zero models look like weirdly lumpy emus waddling around in denim. I'm talking about that one pair of jeans in the back of the closet/drawer/hamper/etc that are just waiting waiting waiting for their owners to shed some poundage so that they can be showcased in all their glory. These jeans may be a size 0 or size 22, they may be faded or ripped, worth $15 or $150. It doesn't matter.
My skinny jeans are a pair of the Express 'Editor Pant' in dark navy denim, purchased circa the winter of 2004. I had so many good times in those jeans. Indeed, at the time I had purchased them they were truly my skinny jeans as I had lost a signficant amount of weight prior to their purchase and I loved them with a fervor usually designated for the first few weeks of dating a new boy. Is that creepy? I don't think so.
Skinny jeans. They're the jeans that make you feel like you are a perfect cocktail of beautiful, handsome, amazing and confident. My favorite episode of 'Sex In the City' is the one that features my fav character, Miranda, in her 'skinny jeans'. She struts through multiple bars, flirts with gusto, and smiles ear-to-ear throughout the entire episode. How I love Miranda. How I love that episode ('The Post-It'). That's how I want clothes to make me feel.
Apparently jeans seem to be the magical piece of clothing that can make or break a diet, an outfit or even a day.
So, here I went. Trying on my $15 pair of Lee jeans that didn't fit 2 1/2 weeks ago. Oh lordy be! They fit! I wore them all day long, catching my reflection in mirrors and even drinking extra water so that I could have a valid excuse to visit the bathroom and stare at my shrinking waist in the mirror. My resolve to continue my diet was redoubled.
I resolve to love you again 'Editor Pant'! How I miss you.
This morning, I tried on a pair of jeans that had been tight last time I wore them, showcasing my paunch and thighs in a sausage-like manner after washing them two weeks ago. Lovely visual, I know. That's why I chucked them in with the laundry and didn't wear those horrid jeans until today.
Today. Oh, today I decided to do a litmus test of how South Beach has been working for me.
Or, as I would like to call it the 'jeans test'.
For a moment, let's talk about every girl (and likely guys too) and their relationship with jeans. We all know about the 'skinny jean'. I'm not talking about the horrendous trend that's going on right now where even size zero models look like weirdly lumpy emus waddling around in denim. I'm talking about that one pair of jeans in the back of the closet/drawer/hamper/etc that are just waiting waiting waiting for their owners to shed some poundage so that they can be showcased in all their glory. These jeans may be a size 0 or size 22, they may be faded or ripped, worth $15 or $150. It doesn't matter.
My skinny jeans are a pair of the Express 'Editor Pant' in dark navy denim, purchased circa the winter of 2004. I had so many good times in those jeans. Indeed, at the time I had purchased them they were truly my skinny jeans as I had lost a signficant amount of weight prior to their purchase and I loved them with a fervor usually designated for the first few weeks of dating a new boy. Is that creepy? I don't think so.
Skinny jeans. They're the jeans that make you feel like you are a perfect cocktail of beautiful, handsome, amazing and confident. My favorite episode of 'Sex In the City' is the one that features my fav character, Miranda, in her 'skinny jeans'. She struts through multiple bars, flirts with gusto, and smiles ear-to-ear throughout the entire episode. How I love Miranda. How I love that episode ('The Post-It'). That's how I want clothes to make me feel.
Apparently jeans seem to be the magical piece of clothing that can make or break a diet, an outfit or even a day.
So, here I went. Trying on my $15 pair of Lee jeans that didn't fit 2 1/2 weeks ago. Oh lordy be! They fit! I wore them all day long, catching my reflection in mirrors and even drinking extra water so that I could have a valid excuse to visit the bathroom and stare at my shrinking waist in the mirror. My resolve to continue my diet was redoubled.
I resolve to love you again 'Editor Pant'! How I miss you.
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