With An App and A Prayer....

If equipped with a Fandango phone app, a local multiplex showing the majority of the films, and a free afternoon to creep stealthily around the premises of said multiplex, I propose that one could see the highlights of the Academy Award Best Picture nominees over approximately 6-8 hours and for the admission price of a single ticket.  Almost all the films that stayed in the theaters made bank, so I wouldn’t feel too bad about sneaking in for a short chunk of the film without paying for it.  Also, you’ll probably drop $19 on a bag of popcorn and a small soda while you’re there.  In my mind, that makes you and the theater even.  Are they serious?  Do they know how much popcorn I could make at my house for $19?  I could fill my entire car with popcorn and still have buckets of corn leftover!  

(Apparently some NBA team already had this idea....)

Oh….the nominees…right….

Lets get started, shall we?  

(To avoid making this post any longer, I have embedded links to each plot description if you click on the title of the film in case you aren’t familiar with this years nominees.  Thanks Fandango!)

1) Django Unchained – Hands down, my favorite movie of the bunch.  I’d actually recommend taking the time to watch the entire film, but I’m a huge fan of Tarantino’s work and am aware that not everyone feels that way.  Suffice to say if you love Tarantino, anachronistic music sequences and all, this film is for you. 

Most Memorable Scene:  Approximately halfway through the film, Leonardo DiCaprio’s character Calvin Candie gives an impassioned speech during which he removes a human skull from a box.  No clue why DiCaprio didn’t get an Oscar nod for this scene alone, because he certainly deserved it especially because he sliced open his hand accidentally in real life and just kept going.  You’ll know you’ve popped your head in at the right part if you see multiple characters sitting at a long table in a well appointed dining room.  Just sit and wait for the crazy. 

2) Silver Linings Playbook – I’m a sucker for movies about people struggling with mental health issues.  And this one has become my new gold standard.  Many dismiss it for its feel-goodery and romantic comedy feel, but I say bring it on.  This is most definitely another one that I’d recommend be watched from start to finish.

Most Memorable Scene: Jennifer Lawrence is the favorite for the Best Actress trophy this year.  Sidle into the theater about halfway through to catch the scene in which Lawrence goes toe to toe with the great DeNiro without missing a beat.  That she’s able to hold her own all while nonchalantly slugging on a light beer proves why she should get the gold.

3) Zero Dark Thirty –I recommend trying to see the scene from this movie first so that you can feel like a total badass sneaking around your movie theater. 

Most Memorable Scene: I think most people would agree that the scene in which the Navy SEAL team raids Bin Laden’s compound is both astounding and nerve wracking.  Shot mostly from a first-person perspective, this sequence made me feel like an accomplice to one of the great covert missions of the past decade.  Scoot in for the last 45 minutes of the film, and stay until the end so you can catch some footage of Jessica Chastain’s brilliantly restrained performance. 

4) Argo – In all honesty, for me there were no standout scenes in this movie.  I adore Ben Affleck as a filmmaker, John Goodman is a national treasure and I thought this movie was well made, but I wasn’t captivated by any particular part.  That said, the story is unbelievably true and the film is definitely worth a viewing, especially since it’s the current frontrunner for Best Picture. In two weeks it’ll be out on amazon streaming for like $5, so I’d recommend waiting so you can enjoy it from your couch with reasonably priced snacks.  In fact, you could do an Oscar double feature and pair it with…..

5) Beasts of the Southern Wild – Quvenzhane Wallis is going to be the belle of the ball on Oscar night.  I cannot wait to see her walk the red carpet in her little dress, with her beaming mom or dad in tow to chaperone her.  That said, her performance is the reason to watch.  She plays a mostly unsupervised six year old, wandering around an area called the ‘bathtub’ in Lousianna, and for much of the movie she alternates between carefully pressing her ear to various wild animals, and trying to understand her mercurial father.  Like I said before, this movie is available to stream on amazon for $4, and has the shortest running time of all the nominees, clocking in at just over 90 minutes.  Even though the movie did not completely come together for me at the end, it is certainly unique and I'd go so far as to say the entire movie is an extended memorable scene. 

6) Life of Pi– This is the only nominee in 3D.  And while I usually detest 3D, I felt that this was an inspired use of the medium.  I did not read the book, but felt that was to my benefit.  As the story was unfamiliar to me, I was captivated from start to finish.  I didn’t expect to like this movie, but found myself thinking about the story for days as a twist at the end touched my soul in an unexpected way.

 Most Memorable Scene: Try to gank a pair of those 3D glasses from a ticket kiosk, or ask friends if they have an old pair lying around.  Stick those babies in front of your eye holes and watch the scene approximately an hour in where Pi attempts to train the tiger.  You’ll feel as if you are bobbing in the open ocean, and I dare you to not want to reach out and touch the tigers furry rump as he struggles back into the boat.  Visually stunning. 

7) Lincoln – Please see the first paragraph of my previous post.  

8) Les Miserables –I saw Les Miserables on Broadway when I was ten years old, and I was so mesmerized by the ending sequence that I almost wandered into oncoming traffic.  Thankfully, my parents grabbed me, breaking my reverie, but that didn’t stop me from getting the Original Cast Recording Soundtrack and listening to it until it started skipping from wear.  The movie, while an amazing feat of filmmaking, certainly did not move me in the way that the live performance did.  

Most Memorable Scene: Most certainly it’s when Anne Hathaway’s Fantine sings “I Dreamed A Dream”.  Hathway benefits greatly from the tight close up shot that director Tom Hooper selected for the scene.  For almost the entirety of the song, viewers are asked to fixate on her raw, filth streaked face and shoulders.  She is completely laid bare.  With a bleak future ahead of her she is left with nothing but a past and a voice.  Hathaway is the lock of all locks for the Best Supporting Actress Oscar this year, and this performance conveniently takes place during the first 30 minutes of the movie. 

9) Amour – You may not be able to find this one at your local multiplex.  But to that, I say….don't worry.  Do not see this movie unless you want your world to be disturbed.  From the outside, it seems like a sweet story of a man and his wife coping with illness and old age.  The problem for me is that it is done too realistically.  I almost walked out several times, and I never walk out.  That’s not to say it’s a bad movie, its just that it rocked me to my core by presenting a universal inevitability of life that I am definitely not ready to deal with yet.  Also – subtitles are hard to read while in the midst of sobbing uncontrollably. 

Most Memorable Scene: During the last 30 minutes of the film, the character Georges sits by his wife Anne as she screams in delusional pain.  She cannot communicate, so he gently scoops up her hand and tells her a story from his childhood to calm her down.  He takes conversational pauses during the story, treating her as if she’s still well and can respond to him.  The end of this scene left me incapacitated with sorrow. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  

Enjoy the overpriced movie popcorn!  And the creeping around.  Who doesn't enjoy a good creep?

 I really love popcorn. 

'Lincoln' Was Overrated

The movie, not the president.  Just want to make that clear.  If you are a history buff or just happen to adore the films of Steven Speilberg, go right ahead and sit through the plodding three hour epic.  

In the likely case that you are neither of the above, here’s a helpful tip. Just go see another movie at a megaplex, get there early and pop your head into a showing of Lincoln about an hour before it ends.  You’ll get to see Daniel Day Lewis’s Lincoln slow drawl his way through a few anecdotes, as well as experience the electrifying scene where the Thirteenth Amendment is passed.  High tail it outta there before the family travels to Ford’s theater because, face it, you know what’s happening next.  Boom.  You just saved yourself two and a half hours and a cool $10.  You’re welcome. 

Despite the glacial pace of ‘Lincoln’, this was a good year for movies people. Out of the nine films nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards this year, seven of them are well on their way to becoming bonafide hits; five have hit the 100 million mark at the domestic box office, and two are well on their way.  Therefore, chances are that you saw at least one of them, and there was a good chance that you liked it.   

The past year also appeared to mark an era where people were willing to go to the movie theater and spend lengthy periods of time sitting in the dark with strangers.   Most of the films nominated this year are longer than two hours.  Fun fact, if you combine all of the running times of the films this year together it adds up to over 20 hours of film time.  That’s almost one entire day.  And that’s not even including ‘find a parking spot/wait in line for tickets and popcorn/advertisement/preview’ time. 

This is where I tell you that you have less than three weeks to see all 20 hours of those movies before Oscar night on February 24^th.   But don’t you fret my friends, it’s also where I promise to crack out the rest of my tips on what is worth your valuable time and what is not. Because I am crazy enough to have seen them all.  Apparently I have no life.  That’s ok though because I adore movies, and have a soft spot in my heart for the Academy Awards.    

To avoid this post being super lengthy, I have decided to break the categories up into several posts over the next few weeks.  In the interest of time, I hope to have the post on the Best Picture nominees up by mid-week. 

In the interim, I would love to hear your thoughts on the Oscar night telecast.  Overrated?  Exciting?  An amazing excuse to heckle celebrities from the comfort of your couch?  All of the above?  Discuss.  

Things Like These Shouldn't Happen Anywhere

What happens when the site of so many beloved childhood memories becomes the site of a senseless bloodbath?

Closing my eyes today, I was able to easily transport myself back to a time where I stood in the hallways of Sandy Hook Elementary, idly poking at a loose tooth when I was six years old. At five years old, sitting at a wooden table with my classmates, contorting my stubby fingers to coax a script 'q' from the tip of my pencil. I carefully snipped and scored pieces out of oak tag at ten years of age to create a three dimensional dodecahedron which I still have to this day. In the fourth grade, crowding onto a cold floor with all the other girls for an awkward lecture on the female reproductive system.

I was afforded the opportunity to do all these things while never once feeling any fear for my life. No child should ever have to fear for their safety....well...ever. But most certainly not in a place where they are molding their minds and hearts for the future.

This is the second time in my life I have felt the blow of what it's like to be truly traumatized. The first was the sudden loss of my 21 year old cousin. I woke up today much like I did that day. I received a call from a relative telling me that there had been a tragedy. Upon hearing the news this morning, I fell immediately into the classic stage of grief, denial. I turned on the news and heard someone had been shot in the foot. I said to myself "Oh, ok. Not bad. Of course. These things don't happen in Newtown. School shooting, nah. Probably just some kid brought his dad's gun to school and it went off accidentally." It wasn't real to me until it was reported that a child had died inside the walls of my beloved elementary school. I broke down and have felt hollow ever since. Parts of me felt like they were being physically chipped away as I watched the body count rise on the national news channels.

Even though I was not directly related to anyone in the school, I feel like I have suddenly lost a close family member. Having been a part of the Newtown community for 26 years, that community is an intrinsic part of who I am. Today the community that I have been a part of for more than a quarter of a century has not only lost a generation of young minds, but has also been robbed of a sense of peace that has protected this community.

I hate the idea of people thinking of Newtown as a place where "these things happen". They don't happen here. And since the unthinkable happened and tragedy did strike, I take it as definitive proof that it can definitely happen anywhere.

I know there will be people worldwide that brand Newtown as an unsafe and risky place to send children to school. Where people will be apprehensive about applying for teaching jobs. But I'll know the truth. And the truth is that it's not towns that are the culprits of these types of tragedies; the tragedies are an indication that something is wrong with our society in a larger sense.

How do we keep our peace of mind and our children safe without sacrificing feelings of safety and freedom? What has changed in the years between my struggle with simple subtraction and now? (Although truth be told I still sometimes struggle with subtraction). I think that's the question we should be asking ourselves. What has changed? Security has increased, but violence appears to be increasing in kind. There can definitely be calls for increases in gun control, but there should also be calls into reform for mental health care and helping parents of children who struggle with mental health issues.

 I have no answers now, and still feel empty. All I do know is that I desperately want to be part of the solution. And in a perfect world I would never wake up to hear the words "we never thought this could happen here" ever again.

 Because things like these shouldn't happen anywhere.

'That's A Lil' Blurry'

Gotta love iphone sans flash.

The Mental Staircase

Snuggled up in her quilted floral-print comforter, little eight year old Rainey closes her eyes and starts to drift to sleep. Consciousness starts to retreat back into her mind, like water slowly spiraling down a drain. The minute space between her eyes and eyelids goes dark. And in the moment between sleep and dreaming, her minds-eye rapidly zooms outwards revealing a colorless canvas, infinite in scope.

Snap back to twenty years later, when falling asleep has become one of two things. Either an action of impatiently waiting for blackness to descend while wrestling with the insomina devil, or unexpectedly passing out on the couch in the middle of a rerun of 'The Office' (side note - I watch 'The Office' so often while sleeping on the couch that the softly jangling theme song has become almost like a personal lullaby...). That peaceful, comforting moment between sleep and dreaming has been somehow misplaced over the years, my adult mind incapable, unwilling or too taxed by adult-like stressors to take even a brief rest before escaping into unconsiousness.

I found that moment again in an unexpected place.

Yoga.

Yep, yoga. Okay so maybe yoga is not the most unexpected of places to find a peaceful, comforting moment, but the way it snuck up on me took me by suprise. I have been attending yoga sessions once to twice a week for the past two months, in the hopes that it would help me achieve a level of balance in my life that I felt I was missing.

Yoga is HARD man. The first hour of the sessions I attend involves a group leader instructing the group through a series of yoga poses meant to open up portions of the body and connect with the mind, surrounding world and life forces. My body struggles through most sessions, and I am so far unable to do some of the advanced poses. The day after my body usually aches in places I didn't know could ache. Like my big toe. Really, big toe? Why you gotta do me like that the day before I have to wear heels for a meeting?

Clearly, I know very little about yoga in theory or even yet in practice, but from what I understand it was developed in the long long ago for yogis to prime their bodies for long stretches of intensely deep meditation. And let me tell you, those dudes must've been in shape.

Meditation is the main reason I decided to get involved in yoga. I wanted a place where I could quiet my mind and slow my rapid and increasingly negative thoughts. The second portion of the yoga sessions I attend focuses on the practice of meditation. Our breathing slows and we are encouraged to lie on our mats and just lie in the moment in a still and quiet position.

At first I used that time to just simply enjoy the electric tingles that prickled outward from my muscles. Then I started to focus on the connection between my mind and my body, and how they almost seemed like two seperate entities, sometimes at war with one another. I would alternate between concentrating on my body and breathing patterns, and softly thinking positive thoughts in my head. I allowed that time to be whatever it was that I was experiencing at that time, and I always left the session feeling happy and energized.

But the other day during meditation, something happened. I focused on my breathing and my body, and as I did this, the world fell away. My minds eye relaxed and a fuzzy space opened up like a small pin prick in the far off distance. The space was what I could only term a 'staircase', as it simply existed in my consciousness, inviting me to view it from afar, or there for me to venture closer if I wished. For a few seconds my entire being existed of only my perspective and the staircase, wavering in open air, announcing its presence. Even though nothing actually happened, after the session I felt lighter and more confident. Yesterday was a seriously good day.

I know, I know, I sound like a new agey hippie. But in all seriousness, this mind-space felt eerily like the magical sleep/wake feeling that I used to experience as a young child. Only this time, I caught a glimpse of what it might be like to explore that space out of a dream. Maybe someday I will find my way up that staircase, but for now I feel gratified just to have opened up a part of my consciousness that I wasn't even aware existed.

I can't wait to go back and explore.

Friday Night Cow Tippin' and Bacon

For purposes of this post, I would like to revise "A picture is worth a thousand words." into the phrase "A picturephone is priceless."

Not exaaaaactly the same thing, but if you have an addiction to the picture-messaging function on your phone like I do, you'll get my meaning. A good chunk of my day is spent sending and responding to picture texts from my sister. Like we need to send each other a continual stream of verifiable proof of what occurs in our days. Generally we send pictures of various foodstuffs, or our contorted faces to represent emoticons that don't exist. My favorite picures are the WTF pictures. Example - today, I hopped out of the shower and grabbed my phone to check the weather. What accosted my eyes when I peeked at my phone?


(it's microwavable!...and, added bonus, also a food picture!)

Therefore it was not strange at all when I picture messaged her no less than ten times on Friday night.

What follows are only the pictures that I sent her, with no explanation. I would like to think that standing alone, without description, they tell a story all on their own.















Now I'm sure stories that are made up will be much better than what actually happened....but here be the facts.

While sending my sister a myriad of pictures of my dogs face meant to convey dissaproval of her late night ice cream habit, she spied my shoe in the background of the picture. I then felt the need to send her an actual picture of my shoes. Upon which she cried 'Where are you? A hayfield?'. (Shamefully friends, this picture is actually of our dead lawn.) I corrected her and said, nope this is our neglected backyard.

At this time, Chris and I decided to go on a late night date to Denny's and Walmart. Due to the picture of our lawn, and the late night nature of our date, my sister suggested we maybe go cow tipping afterwards.

At Denny's we discover 'BACONALIA'. Holy crap. America is going to have a massive coronary. Chris decides to get the Maple Bacon sundae. Holy crap. My boyfriend is going to have a massive coronary. He does indeed feign a small heart attack after finishing the sundae, but alas he would not pose for a picture.

On the way out, Chris and I play the obligatory claw game that is truly my favorite reason to go to Denny's. He wins A COW for me on his first try! I get very excited.

I go home and I do a little cowtipping in my hayfield of a backyard. I giggle...and of course send a picture to my sister.

Why Am I Such A Bad Blogger?

Why am I such a bad blogger?

My past few returns to blogging have been oh-so-brief and bookended by long stretches of time. I have a few ideas why...

It's not that I haven't been thinking of my beloved blog, because I certainly do! All the time! I maintain lengthy lists of blog ideas that I add to on a frequent basis stored in my phone, and I even have a handful of almost completed posts saved on blogger.com. If someone were simply observing only my behaviors, and not my actual blog, they would think that I was a productive, active blogger and not what I actually am ---

A bad blogger.

For someone who loves words, who in fact totes around a dog-eared copy of Rogets Thesaurus in her car the term 'bad blogger' rings a little too stale. My blog-posting habits might be more accurately described as 'anxious blogger', 'scared blogger', 'negligent blogger', or even 'trying-really-hard-to-be-ambivalent blogger'. Truly, I have sat in front of my blank computer screen more than once over the past two months, paralyzed with fear that the resulting blog post might not be good enough. Generally this feeling abounds after I've read good chunks of genius authors like Mary Karr or David Foster Wallace....but even in the back of my head I know that they too struggled with uncertainty, anxiety and rejection. I even know that failure comes with the territory of any project that I personally will ever attempt in my life.

So, in reality, there really is no other term than 'bad blogger' to describe my absence. Because, really, I am the only one who is accountable for what gets posted and what does not get posted. Even now, discouraging thoughts are racing through my brain... "Does this post accurately encapsulate what I am thinking? Are people going to read and understand how I feel? Is this just a waste of time? OMG if I can't muster the gumption to maintain a blog then how am I ever going to write short stories or even 'gulp' a novel?!?"

My brain is evil sometimes.

I am not going to declare that my blogging neuroses have been defeated or even that I am going to blog faithfully as I have promised in the past. Because that is a promise that is sure to be broken at some point in time, and the anxious voice in my brain will take that and run with it when the time comes. In anticipating that nebbish bitch of a voice, I will only say the following.

Blogging makes me a better person. Blogging activates my mind in a way that few activities have. My mood, imagination, enthusiasm, and insight are always improved for having sent a blog post out into the electronic ether. I am going to try and post more frequently despite the nagging voice in my head that tells me it's not good enough....that I'm not good enough. Because there's always a reason to not do something. I need to start concentrating on why I can, and why I should.

Because there's a million reasons to succeed.