Sunday, January 17, 2010

The 'First Step'

The realization hit me the other day when I was carrying one of those large 2.5 gallon jugs of water up the stairs to my third floor apartment.

Here's a glimpse of my internal monologue at the moment of realization:

"I hate carrying these *%^*$ things up the stairs. They weigh a ton....I wonder how much they weigh? 15 or 20 pounds?"

....and then....

"Oh shit, I've gained about 40 pounds since college. That means that I'm carrying TWO of these things on my BODY every minute of every day."

Ouch. That stung a bit. I've been looking for that 'a-ha!' moment for a long time, you know, a split second in which everything seems to snap into focus and motivates your ass to make a change? When it looks like something is drastically effecting your life in ways that you had never considered? Or....maybe never wanted to consider? Either way, this water jug was tearing my arm off at the top of my landing as I blankly stared at my door, considering just what in the hell I was going to do about this realization.

I've been considering what to do about it since. Clearly it's time to make a change. I'm not going to go into a long spiel about my past struggles with food and weight, because a) it's boring as hell and b)right now I'd prefer to look to the future. A future where my hips preferably don't weigh as much as a Poland Spring jug.

How to do it? I'd had a measure of success before with the South Beach diet, so that was something old I could use. Now for something that I'd always wanted to try but was too afraid of. Accountability. That's where blogger comes in. I love to write, but haven't felt any inspiration lately. I've only got one body and one lifetime, so I'd like to think my inspiration lies here.

Last but not least, something else that is 'new' that already inspires me on a daily basis. I am tentatively planning on using theraputic techniques I utilize with clients in my job as a substance abuse counselor. Currently I counsel no less than 50 opiate-dependent individuals at a methadone maintenance clinic in CT. At the clinic, we utilize various different treatment techniques, 'homework' sheets, plans and therapies tailored to each individual to assist them in finding a way to live life without harmful substances. Every day I find myself recalling past experience not only with drugs and alcohol (that's for another blog), but with my ongoing struggle with my weight in relation to what my clients tell me about their challenges in recovery. I feel like my struggle with food and exercise is a form of addiction, one that to this point has been very difficult for me to control. I need to learn to live a life without harmful foods and behaviors. Oh I know, I know I should be seeking professional consults, but who can afford it? Life is a pricey venture, even without seeking a nutritionist/therapist/trainer/etc./etc./etc.

Tomorrow is my kick off date. I set this date about two weeks ago, something I learned in the past from success quitting smoking cigarettes. I will go grocery shopping tonight, and start eating right and drinking lots of water when I wake up in the morning.

So, I'm gonna start here. With me, what I know about 'recovery', this blog and a relatively anonymous (but hopefully captivated) audience.

That, and a whole lot of Poland Spring.

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