Monday, January 31, 2011

Live Blog From Traffic Court ***UPDATED**

I survey the room. Amoeba-shaped coffee stains permeate the rug...the stains even seem to be dying of boredom.  Funny because there's no coffee here. There used to be coffee here! Why have I been to this court room so often? Twice for speeding tickets and once for an agonizing six hour day of jury duty in which my noble contribution to society as a civil servant was to read a copy of 2009 Spring Vogue cover to cover eight times.  By the end of that day I fancied myself an expert on upcoming spring fashion. I blame that day for my continued love of coral and lavender nail polishes.....

Anyways, to stave off my boredom, I have decided to post my first live blog as well as my first time blogging from my phone, so please bear with me! Updates to follow.

2:54pm - A break in the boredom!  
Dude next to me just told another lady that he took a Xanax before coming here. Woah guy.....if a 30 something man has to pop a pill before coming to traffic court, there are gonna be bigger problems in store for him in his future.

2:57pm - Now up comes the magistrate and I get to match faces to everyones charges...what I might argue is a very intrusive but interesting part of the court process. Like watching a live and shortened version of Peoples Court or Judge Judy, only the magistrate doesn't seem to be a sassy red headed lady. And, even more dissapointing, he doesn't have a gavel. Boo.

3:00pm - Thinking that it would be really funny if I started to carry a 'get out of jail free' card from Monopoly around with me. My sister somehow wrangled a legit 'get out of jail free' card from some official she knows....but it doesn't have the cool guy with the wings on it. I wonder what would happen if I handed one in the Monopoly-style to the magistrate....or to the next cop that pulls me over.

3:12pm - The magistrate calls me up and dismisses my case (talking on a cell phone, first offense) but only after the lawyer lady scolds me because my hands free headset looks too new. Yeah lady, I totally bought it yesterday for a ticket issued in August. I don't like change, wanna fight about it?

3:15pm - Find my way outside and retrieve my spray can of mace that I had buried in a pile of snow as I was banned from brining it into the courthouse.

Thanks for bearing with me all! Updated thoughts on courtrooming, breaking the law and live phone blogging to follow later tonight.


  1. Yep! And he just gave me a new one. Perhaps you can have the old "one time use only" one... perhaps. If you are nice.

  2. OMG..that's awesome. And your sister is awesome for actually having a "get out of jail free" card. Also, hiding your can of mase in the nearby snow is brilliant.
    When going to get our marriage license in Virginia, we weren't allowed to bring in our cellphones and had to walk back 5 blocks to the annoying. They should offer lockers or something if they're going to be that ridiculous.

  3. Interesting post.

    So, you get in trouble for looking after your headset so well it looks new? I dunno... You get in trouble if you don't look after your stuff, you get in trouble if you do. You just can't please some people!

  4. Local government has to make money in some way, so they do it with tickets! I actually do have a "get out of jail" or "get out of ticket" card in my wallet. My son in law is a policeman and I have his card with me. The law enforcement agencies call it giving "professional courtesy."
    I haven't used it yet, but I know it works... Not for felonies though....