Sunday, April 4, 2010

Homeless Person Wins Blog Awards, News at Eleven

Oh how I've missed you blog-o-sphere!

My absence is explained thusly: To complete our move, my boyfriend and I meticulously packed up all of our worldly possessions last Saturday night. We then headed over to our new house, (owned by my boyfriends family...that is a way long story that would be better explained in its own post) 40 miles away in the ol' U-Haul. The U-Haul rattled up the driveway with us in eager anticipation to unpack and go about making the house our new home.

But wait. What were our eager eyes greeted with when we arrived?

The fucking asshole bitch who lived in the house HADN'T MOVED OUT yet!!! Her two deadbeat twenty-something sons were sitting contentedly on the floor playing video games while she was out at the bar drinking. We stood, freezing in the driveway as her son explained to us that they wouldn't be out until the 'end of the month'. Even though she hadn't paid rent for the past two months. Yeah, real nice. Welcome home.

Therefore, over the past week I have lived a transient, Internet-less existence, crashing from place to place as my boyfriend and I tried in vain to tie up loose ends at the old apartment and continue work on starting up his business.

Let's just say the rest of the week didn't go was pretty awful actually.

Except for my ray of sunshine. My two blog awards!

First, the Beautiful Blogger Award! From my lovely Jordan FACE.

Second, the Oh, My Blog! Award! From the amazing TB at Year 31.

Now, not that I don't love love love the Beautiful Blogger award, but I am truly excited about the acceptance terms of TB's OMB! Award, and would like to award this coveted digital green square to as many bloggers as possible to spread the love.

Side note: If anyone is super interested in the 'seven things' that I was supposed to post as acceptance for the Beautiful Blogger award, I will say this. I could post a list of things like "I really love peanut M&M's!" (I do, by the way) But then people may not be interested in what I think is interesting about myself....also, I blog about randomness in my life all the time. The way for me to address this is if any of you lovely readers truly want to know something about little old me, post it in the comments or e-mail me and I will answer honestly and in detail in a subsequent post. I promise.

So, acceptance terms for OMB! are stated thusly:

1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER.

2. Choose ONE of the following options for accepting the OMB! award:

(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus.

(b) Write about your most embarrassing moment.

(c) Write a "Soundtrack of your childhood" blog. (click here for an example)

(d) Make your next blog a "vlog", or video blog. Basically, you talking to the camera about whatever.

(e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (makeup, brush hair, pee, etc.) and post it.

3. Pass the award on to at least three, but preferably more, awesome bloggers like yourself. Don't forget to tell them (duh).


As I have been homeless over the past week, my only real option here was e. As I have already demonstrated a complete lack of vanity in previous posts, I saw it only befitting to post some gems of me here as a preliminary acceptance of the award. Stay tuned for possible drunk vlogging in the future.

Taken via iPhone circa third day of homelessness. I actually didn't think I looked bad enough in this picture, so I then decided to do this....

You're welcome.

Pass the torch:

Yaaaaay! I love love love this part! I am always one of those freaks at Christmas that loves to watch people open my carefully selected presents more than actually getting presents myself. So 'trumpet sound':

1) DJ Buttaskotch at A Cream Filled Blog! This blog is fantastically random and laugh out loud funny. And how could I not love someone who asks Yahoo Answers how long it takes to get from Philly to Narnia via train?

2) Mr. Apron at My Masonic Apron. This guy had me hooked from the first post I read. He has a witty, often dry and always distinctive voice that comes through crystal clear in print with little or no help from any visual aids. Not an easy feat.

3) Billy at "Why?", "How?", and other abstract questions. How could I not adore and want to follow to the ends of the earth someone who also goes by the moniker of Organic Meatbag. Yes, I am friends with a meatbag and loving it! I want to steal his joyous and captivating writing style and make it my own.

4) Wow, that was Awkward at It Was Dark, Stormy and I Lost My Serial Comma Hysterical and well written, this dude has it all.

5) David at I've Never Been Good With Titles! This guy blogs with style. He posts lots of awesome videos too, which is good for the ADD side of my noggin.

6) Amanda at Tales From The Chicken Coop: A day in the life of Mrs. Chicken This chicky is so funny and basically I just want to hang out with her and have random adventures on a regular basis. Too bad she lives 3000 miles away from me. Oh well.

7) Crazy Brunette at One Crazy Brunette Chick. This girl says and does everything that the little party-girl in my head screams at me all day long. She is unflinchingly honest, brassy and bold. Not wanting to dictate the terms of her acceptance of this award...but I would like to go on the record saying that I would absolutely adore to see a drunk blog come from this Brunette.

Ok, so I apologize for this ridiculously long blog. Now that I finally have a home and glorious internet, you can expect more coherent posts that are also more reader friendly in brevity.


  1. AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's great! I love your pictures. Is that stuff in your hair, or something on the ground behind you? Either way, you are conveying the look of a homeless woman very nicely. Bravo!

    I'm so glad you are back, but so sorry you had to endure a week of hell to get here. Thank you so much for passing my award along! You are making internet history and soon the OMB! will be the most coveted icon in the blogsphere--mark my words!

  2. That was THE bravest thing I've ever seen in Blogland. Once I got over the shock , I realised you dont look any worse than I do first thing in the morning. I will NEVER post a before I've had my coffee shot...EVER.

    I was wondering where you got to ..(in a "gee I hope she's OK" kind of way - not a stalker kind of way)

    Congrats on your awards. Well deserved.Glad you're back!

  3. *CB is bowing*

    Thanks chick!!!

    I actually got an award that I don't think is fucking retarded!!! :)

    I heart your face slut!

  4. I actually don't think those pics look that bad. I like them. Is that weird? Congratulations on the awards!

  5. Man, I feel like a bitch for finding your misfortune so humorous. But, seriously, take it as a compliment.

  6. Holy shit...I mean holy shit!!! This is an awesome award, E! And you better believe I'll pimp the shit out on my site!
    Your words for me? Oh man, so very damn kind! I am humbled, which makes me all weepy and mumbly...your words are too kind for the likes of me... I will find a way to repay the kindness, i swear! Hehehehe

  7. @TB: I was super excited to post about this award! It was so frustrating as the days ticked by with no internet! As for the stuff behind my head in the, that is my fantastic Medusa hair. I would like to thank fold out beds, scratchy guest linens and the high degree of moisture in the air due to the New England flooding last week.

    @Quilting: Thanks for your concern and the welcome back! It means a lot. I missed everyone so much! And maybe a little bit in the creepy stalkerish way....

    @Crazy Brunette: I heart your face too! Glad you liked the award!

    @Holly Renee: You are awesome for saying you like my pics! I actually have looked much much much worse in the morning, and this is not me at my waking-up best. Is it possible that stress and lack of sleep make a person more photogenic in the morning??

    @Kris: You aren't a bitch! Laughter is the best medicine, and I need to put this nightmare behind me ASAP. I'm equating it to Tinkerbell and her wings. The more people that laugh at my shitty situation, the better it gets! Laugh away!!!

  8. @Organic Meatbag: I meant every word! Your site is absolutely amazing! Can't wait to see how you'll accept the award!

  9. You are bold, lady! I don't know which I would have chosen, but probably not the morning pic :)That really sucks about your house...there is nothing they can do to kick them out???

  10. You are sweet to go from homelessness to doling out awards. Thanks for sending this my way. I am honored you think I'm worthy. I suck at passing these along, so don't think I'm not appreciative if I don't pass on the love. I will check your other winners though. It's always fun to find great new reads!! Cheers!!

  11. Awesome! I accept your torch! And congratulations on the OMB/returning to civilization!

  12. I feel so blessed! I was gone from the blogging world and had no idea. Hahaha your photos crack me up...errr...I mean you look just lovely! I will attempt to follow the rules, but if I choose to post a first morning picture people might burn their eyes out with hot pokers...and I just can't be held responsible for that.

  13. YAAAY!!! Thank you! Glad to hear you have a home, too. I'll be sure to get this posted this week, though I'm not 100% sure when.

  14. I am so sorry you are homeless- that blows. At least you have hilarious stories to tell!

  15. @Amanda: The bitch is out! Thankfully, but now I'm dealing with more serious issues such as a bathroom that has the potential to electrocute me....

    @Wow, that was awkward: Hope you liked the other blogs!

    @Jordan: Yep.

    @DJButtaskotch: Thanks! Congrats to you too!

    @Chicken: I don't know how much worse a picture could be than my second one....we could have dueling morning pics! Like dueling banjos, only less musical.

    @Another David: You're welcome, and thank you! No rush on the acceptance!

    @Living Shallow, Living Well: Homeless no mo'! Although I think those pictures will always incite laughter, or horror....or turning into a pillar of stone...shit, I didn't think this through....